Chapter 1 …It’s all in my head…
I woke up in the middle of the night. I made my way over to where my baby lay safely in his cot. I kissed his little forehead and smiled at him. He smiled back, his night light shining on his cheeks. “So sweet” I said to him. “Isn’t he just” a voice replied. I turned round and looked for the voice. A hand clasped around my mouth. “Scream and I’ll kill you” the voice said. I felt something cold on my temple. A gun. I did as he said. I kept my tears back and held it down for the sake of my baby. “You remember me then yeah?” the voice said. “No…please I’ll give you anything you want, just leave me alone” I replied. He pushed me down the stairs and I heard Shaquille start to cry in his cot. I got up, weak, afraid and helpless. My arm felt like it was broken but I didn’t cry because maybe if he thought I didn’t care then he might of left me alone. “What so is he my youte yeah?” the voice said to me. “Yeah” I said beginning to cry. “What did I tell you about coming down these sides?” he replied. “You said you’d kill me” I replied. “I’m a man that always keeps to his word” he said. “LEAVE HER ALONE!” I heard somebody shout. I turned around to find my 14 year old daughter standing in the living room doorway, half asleep, rage in her eyes. “Go back to bed sweetheart” I told her. “NO! FUCKING LEAVE HER ALONE!” she screamed at the intruder. “Okay” he said. He moved the gun towards my daughter and pulled the trigger without a second thought. I screamed as I watched my daughter lay in a pool of blood. He then turned to me, an evil snare on his face. I lashed out at him. He pointed the gun to my head and pulled the trigger. I woke up and I was sweating like I’d just run 10,000 miles. Thank the lord, it was only a dream. I went to check on Shaquille, he lay there peacefully sleeping just like he was in my dream. Sharna was at her new best friend’s house so I knew she was safe. I lay in my bed and went back to sleep.
Chapter 2 ...Where ya been...
I woke up a couple of hours later. I walked over to Shaquille’s cot to find him softly asleep. I decided to go downstairs and get some breakfast down me, as when Shaquille woke up I wouldn’t get a chance to. I looked at the clock. Then I realized I’d forgotten to go to the shop yesterday so decided to go to the local Tesco as it as 2 hours and nobody would have been there at 7:45am. Well nobody I didn’t want to see anyway. As I had just finished getting ready I got a text from Sharna, my eldest daughter ‘Mum, I’ll be home later, luv u xxx’ I smiled and put the phone in my pocket, I put Shaquille into his romper suit, then his all in one suit, then finally into his car seat. He could sleep through anything, when I say anything I mean anything. I strapped his car seat into the passenger seat and we set off. I whizzed around the supermarket looking for various products. Once I had found them all I walked back to the checkouts and waited for one of the cashiers’ to come free. I was looking around and I saw a woman looking at me. This same woman had been looking at me all the way around Tesco, like she had been following me, once the shopping had been scanned and paid for I walked out the store but with a faster pace incase the mad woman was following me. I turned round to slyly look around the car park she stood there watching me. Shaquille started crying as I hastily strapped him into his car seat. I then locked the car and marched up to the woman. “HAVE YOU GOT A F*CKING PROBLEM?” I shouted at her. “Jamilah? Is it really you?” she asked me. “YOU DEFINITELY ARE A STALKER” I said shouting at her even more. I looked at her and she looked at me the only way I knew another person to look at me “Mum?” I said.
Chapter 3 ...I want answers...
I cried in Mum’s arms. “I thought it was you” she said. “Mummy” I stuttered through the tears. Anybody and everybody else probably thought we were mad, two grown women crying in the middle of a car park so early in the morning. “Who was that little boy?” she asked me. “Your grandson mum” I replied. I followed Mum’s car back to her and Dad’s house. As I pulled up, it still looked the same. Mum walked into the front garden and stopped and pointed to a rose bush. She told me to move the leaves carefully. I passed Shaquille to her. Tears came to my eyes as I read ‘Jam and Jace woz ere’ “I wrote that when I was about 13, didn’t I mum?” I asked her. She nodded and opened the front door. She walked in and I could hear the television blaring out from the living room my dads laugh following every stupid joke. “There’s somebody here to see you” Mum shouted into the living room, walking upstairs. “Who?” Dad replied. I walked into the living room. Dad’s eyes focused on mine. “Jamilah?” he asked me. I began to cry and he hugged me tightly. “My little girl, you’re all grown up now!” he said to me. I cried and cried and cried till I could cry no more. “Daddy I missed you” I told him. “Where have you been Jamilah?” he asked me. “Birmingham
Chapter 4 …The big reunion…
I sat at the kitchen table with Mum as we waited for my brother to arrive. I sat Jason walk past the side and then the back window and he entered the house through the back door. “I’ll leave you two to it” Mum said walking out of the room. Jason opened his arms for a hug and I stepped into his arms and hugged him tightly. I finally had my big brother back. He began to cry and I did too as I’d never see my big brother crying. He sat down and I sat down facing him. “Where you been though sis” he asked me. I told him everything I’d told Mum and Dad. “Why Birmingham
Chapter 5 …My best friend…
I waited anxiously for either Tyla or Jason to arrive. I saw a woman about my height get out a car, Tyla. She still looked the same as she did when I seen her last, just abit older and abit taller. I heard the back door swing open. “Jennifer? Michael?” I heard her call. She waited for a reply before going mental. “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU THEN?” she shouted. I heard her open the door connecting the kitchen and the living room. “Who the hell are you?” she asked me. I turned around. She looked me up and down and spotted a bracelet round my wrist. She had the same one. We’d had them ever since we were younger. They were best friend bracelets. Tyla looked at me and began to cry. “Jamilah?” she asked me. I nodded and started to cry too. I hugged her tightly and cried once more and this time it was because I had my best friend back. After we’d gotten over the tears we went to sit down at my Mum’s kitchen table. “If I’d have known I wouldn’t have been going on like that! Trust me Jamilah” she said. “It’s okay Ty” I replied. She looked at me and I could tell there was a burning question she wanted to ask. “She’s 14” I said. “How did you know I was gonna ask you that?” she said. “I’ve known you since we were young Tyla, I know you!” I replied. “You got anymore kids then?” she said. “Yeah, Sharna and Shaquille who’s 4 months old” I said. “Aww! Where is he?! I’ve got 3 more, Mia who’s 14 and the twins, Harvey and Holly who are nearly 2” she said. “One moment” I replied. I ran up the stairs to where Shaquille lay, picked him up and brought him back down the stairs. Tyla smiled when she saw him in my arms. “HE’S GORGEOUS!” she said. “Did his dad not stick around then?” she asked me. I began to cry as I thought about Shaquille’s dad. “What’s wrong babe?” she asked me. “He raped me” I replied. Tyla looked up, Jason stood there rage in his eyes.
Chapter 6 …Spill the beans…
I turned around to see Jason standing in the doorway. “I’ll leave you two too it” she said taking Harvey and Holly into the living room. I became inconsolable. My big brother held me tightly, as I wept. I wanted to stay in his protective arms forever because I knew this was the one place where Tayler couldn’t hurt me. I told him the story about how Tayler raped me and when I found out I was expecting Shaquille he told me he’d kill me and if I didn’t abort him. “Didn’t he realize though? That you never aborted him” Jason asked me. “No, I just wasn’t at home when he normally came and I wore looser things but…” I said. “But what sis?” I began to cry more, and he decided to leave it be. “We’ve gotta tell the girls” I said. Jason looked at me. After me, Jason and Tyla spoke about it we decided it would be the right thing to do. We decided to go and tell the girls before they heard it from anybody else. I left Mum and Dad a note telling them we’d be back shortly. I got Shaquille’s things together as Tyla strapped the twins into her car. I put Shaquille in his car seat and started up my car. I was singing along to the radio when I looked up one of the roads. He looked a lot like Tayler. I began to cry but then I thought about it logically and realised this was the last place he’d look for me as I promised I’d never come back. I pulled up outside of Jason and Tyla’s house. Turned my radio off and got Shaquille out of his car seat. I followed Jason in and sat on the sofa. “MUUUUUUUUUM!” I heard a voice shout. “Come here” Tyla replied stealing Shaquille off of me. A young male walked in the room. Junior. He looked at me. “Hello” he said. “Hello sweetheart” I replied. He walked into the kitchen but stopped at the doorway. “JamJam?” he asked. “Yeah” I said. I got up and he hugged me tightly. “Not so little anymore are you!” I said to him smiling. “I missed you” he said. “Where’s your sister?” Tyla asked Junior. “Gone Sharna’s” he replied. I looked at Tyla and Tyla looked at me. I knew she wanted me to tell him but I just couldn’t so I looked away. “Dad, you want a game of COD?” Junior asked Jason. “What? So I can beat you for the 179th time?” he replied. “Shut up and put your money where your mouth is” Junior replied. I waited until they were both upstairs before I asked the questions. “Ty…” I started. “Yeah” she replied, her eyes fixed on the telly. “Does Junior know about his REAL dad?” I asked her. Tyla looked at me. “No, he doesn’t” she replied. Tears began to fall from her eyes. “I can’t tell him about my past, I just can’t” she said. I got up and hugged her tightly. “What do you mean my real dad?” Junior said bursting through the door.
Chapter 7 …Skeletons in her closet…
I decided to get out the way so they could both talk. Tyla handed me Shaquille and I went up the stairs to find Jason sat on Junior’s bed I walked into the room. “Where’s Junior gone?! I was winning him as well” he said. I looked at him. “What’s up sis?” he said. I told him about what had happened. He looked at me. “Well, I should have known this day would come” he said. I heard the argument getting heated. I lay Shaquille on Tyla and Jason’s bed, after that I went with Jason to calm things down. “SO YOU COULDN’T TELL ME BEFORE MUM?!” Junior screamed at Tyla. “Oi! Leave her alone!” Jason said to him. “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU KNEW ASWELL! I HATE YOU BOTH!” he said. “OI! WATCH IT!” Jason said back to him sternly. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!” Junior replied stepping to him. Jason looked away. “DO ME SOMETHING! DO IT! SEE YOU’RE JUST LIKE ANY OTHER GUY ON THIS ESTATE! FAKE! FUCK YOU BOTH INIT” Junior shouted at them. “Your Mums done so much for you! You’re an ungrateful little brat!” Jason replied. Junior looked at Tyla, got his coat and walked towards the door. “I’M NEVER COMING BACK TO THIS HOUSE AGAIN! I HATE LIARS!” he said slamming the door. Tyla began to cry and Jason held her tightly. “I’ll be back in a minute” I mouthed to Jason. He nodded and I got my coat on and went to look for Junior. I had looked everywhere and had given up all hope. I then thought about what I would do in his situation. I had an idea and gave it a shot. I used my phone light to guide me along the path that led to the park. Junior sat on top of the climbing frame. He spotted me and began to cry I hugged him. “It’s okay sweetheart” I said. “I feel so bad, how I treated Mum, it wasn’t her fault, and she was only doing her best for me” Junior said. “She’s an understanding person, just talk things through with her” I replied. I decided to walk Junior back to his as the streets were not for a 17 year old to be alone. As we were walking back we heard shouting. I looked across the street to find Sharna fighting with a girl twice her size. “Sharna leave it!” Mia shouted at her. “No! She just tried jumping you! About leave it, yeah I’m gonna leave this bitch for dead!” Sharna said hitting the girl. Sharna wrapped the girl’s hair around her fist and swung for her face. “Is that all you got you slag!” The girl said shouting at her. Sharna grabbed her head and pushed it against a lamppost. “Done know about me, don’t fuck with Mia either ya dutty fool” she said. I stood there. I had never in all my days seen Sharna like this. She was just like her Mum, a fighter. “My Mum’s coming to bang you!” the girl said to her. “Oh yeah! Make her come so I can bang her too” Sharna said. I watched as a women, half naked came rolling down the street. It really was mother like daughter. Both fat and round looking like they belonged in Greggs. “Who the fucks done this to my daughter?” she said. “She did Mummy!” the girl said pointing to Sharna. I walked over. “So you think you’re hard picking on little girls do you yeah?” I asked the girls Mum. “And who the fuck are you?” she said. “Sharna’s Mum, leave my daughter alone” I said, stepping to her. “What makes you think you can do me anything?” she replied. “Mum, leave it” Sharna told me. “Yeah, listen to your sket of a daughter and leave it init” the woman said. I swung for her jaw and she fell to the pavement. “WOW! MUM! DO IT AGAIN!” Sharna said to me. The woman grabbed my long, brown curly hair like only a bitch would. I fly kicked her in her head. Kicked her a few times once she was down and then K.Oed her by my last punch. My hand was bleeding. “YOUR MUM GOT BADDED UP BY MY MUM SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!” Sharna said to the girl. “Junior? What you doing with my Mum?” Sharna said clocking Junior.
Chapter 8 …Blood’s thicker than water…
“Sharna, Mia’s your cousin, Jason is my older brother” I told my daughter. Sharna looked at me and then at Junior. “She’s telling the truth” he said. “But…what about you? Aren’t you my cousin Junior?” she replied to him. “No, Jason’s not my dad” he said. Mia stood there still. “I’m still your big brother though Mia, just different Dad’s” Junior said to his little sister who was now near enough crying but like her mother, held it down. Junior told Mia and Sharna everything Tyla told him as we walked. “Poor Mum” Mia said as we got to her house. Junior walked in, followed by Mia. I walked in last to find Tyla sat on her sofa crying. Junior walked over and kissed her, and then he hugged her and told her he was sorry. “It’s okay baby. Sorry for never telling you sooner” she said. “Thanks Jamilah” she said to me. “It’s okay Tyla” I replied. After about an hour I decided that it was a good time to leave as it was getting pretty late. “Bye” Sharna said. “Bye Sharna” they all chorused. Junior kissed her. “We’re still together right?” he asked her. “Obviously, your tings are too good for me to leave you” she said kissing him again. I pretended I didn’t hear the last bit as I knew my daughter wasn’t that dumb not to use protection. “AWW! YOUNG LOVE!” Tyla said. “Mum!” Junior said. “I love you sis” Jason said hugging me. “I love you too fathead” I said putting Shaquille into his car seat. I hugged him and he kissed me on my forehead and told me to take time. “I will man” I replied. As soon as I got back home, I put Shaquille in his cot and went into Sharna’s room to find her on her laptop. “Bedtime!” I said. She began to cry. “Mum….What about my Dad?” she said. I told her about how he said he was going to kill me if I didn’t abort her and when I refused to he beat me up so bad I decided I had to get out of town before he did me or her some permanent damage. “Do I know him?” She asked me. “Yeah…It’s Tayler” I replied. “I saw him earlier, he said I shouldn’t have said anything because he was going to surprise you when I was in bed” Sharna told me. “Stay in my room and don’t come out until I come and get you” I said to my daughter. I went downstairs and checked my back door was locked and bolted. “You should have checked that a long time ago Jamilah” the voice said.
Chapter 9 …Daddy’s home…
I got my phone and rang Uncle Jason. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS CHILD?!” he shouted at me. I began to whimper. “What’s up Sharna?” he asked me. “Come quickly please Uncle Jason, Tayler’s here” I whispered. “Where’s your Mum?” he asked me. “Downstairs with him, I’m in her room with Shaquille” I replied. “Stay there, I’m coming.” He said. I crept to the top of the stairs and overheard the argument. I heard something in the kitchen smash and Mum scream. I couldn’t let some idiot mess with Mum. I stayed at the door of the living room so he wouldn’t see me. “WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU? YOU DIRTY LITTLE SLAG!” Tayler said to Mum punching her. “Stop it please! We can talk!” Mum stuttered through her tears. I watched as Tayler put his hands around Mum’s neck. I tried to block the noise out then I decided enough was enough and I ran into the kitchen. “Get the fuck off her” I said to him. He turned round with an evil glint in his eye his hands still tight around Mum’s throat. “And who the fuck you talking to?” He asked me. “YOU’RE A BULLY! LEAVE MY MUM ALONE!” I said. “Your Mum’s a dirty little slag” he said to me letting her go. She fell to the floor lifeless. “Mummy! MUMMY!” I shouted at her. Nothing, she just lay there on the floor. Something inside me snapped I looked around the kitchen and spotted a frying pan on the stove. I hit Tayler over the head with a frying pan. Whatever my Mum said, cartoons like Tom and Jerry were educational. Tayler fell to the ground and I started kicking him. “YOU FUCKING BULLY! WHO’S THE ONE ON TOP NOW AYYY?!” Nobody was going to hurt Mum and get away with it. Mum lay there lifeless. I rang an ambulance and told them what I did, they told me to just stay calm until Uncle Jason came. Uncle Jason came running through the door, Tyla behind him. They both stood still in their tracks. “What the hell…” Jason began. “YOO! SHOULDA KNOWN IT WAS YOU DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE!? WHO’S A BIG MAN NOW?! YOU GOT FUCKED UP BY MY NIECE FAM!” Jason shouted at Tayler kicking him. “Leave him Jason” Mum said faintly. Tyla rushed over to Mum. “Jamilah, stay with me, keep talking please I don’t want to loose my best friend, think of your little babies you can’t leave them” Tyla said beginning to cry. The police came along with an ambulance for Mum and one for Tayler. “Is he dead?” I asked. “No it’s going to be okay sweetheart” Tyla told me hugging me. “Where’s Shaquille?” Nana asked getting out of her car. “In his cot” I replied. “Jamilah, its okay I’ll take them sweetheart” Nana said. I wanted to stay with Mum, I didn’t want Nana, I wanted my Mum. I went along with the idea and I got Shaquille’s bag ready, a bag for me and a bag for Tyla to take to the hospital for Mum. I held my baby brother in the car tightly as we drove to Grandma’s and Granddads’. I cried myself to sleep that night.
Chapter 10…The following morning…
“Sharna…” Nana said stroking my hair. I opened my eyes slowly. “Yeah…” I started whilst rubbing my eyes. “The police are here to speak to you sweetheart, it’s about what happened last night” she said to me. I got out the bed and went downstairs. “Hello my names DCI Robinson, you do know that you could be charged with GBH” she started. “DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?! HE WAS GOING TO KILL MY MUM! WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR MUM WAS BEING STRANGLED?! LEAVE HER TO DIE?!” I screamed at her. “Sharna, calm down sweetheart” Nana said hugging me. I began to cry. “However…your mother has decided to press charges against Mr White” DCI Robinson told me. I looked at her and then the other police officer. “Can I see her?” I asked her. “She’s on her way home” DCI Vincent replied. After they’d left I got my stuff together, got ready and then helped Nana get Shaquille ready. “Bye sweetheart” Granddad said kissing my forehead. Uncle Jason came and got me and Shaquille from Nana’s house. “Look after your sister Jason” Nana said. “I will Mum, don’t worry” Jason said kissing Nana on the cheek. “Thanks” Uncle Jason said whilst we were in the car. “Thanks for what exactly?” I replied. “What you did last night, that was very brave of you sweetheart…you’re just like your Mum when she was younger, a mad fighter, but good mad not bad mad” he said. I laughed. “She’s always told me to never back down from anybody” I told him. We pulled up outside the house. I walked in to find Mum and Tyla sat at the kitchen table. Mum stood up and hugged me. “I love you Mummy” I told her. “I love you both so much” she said stepping back and looking at me and Shaquille. “And you two of course” she said looking at Jason and Tyla. After they’d left I got myself ready for bed, because I had school tomorrow.
Chapter 11…Two months to the day…
I woke up at my usual time of 6am. I still felt sick from the weekend. Me and Mia got through so much alcohol over the weekend. I looked at the clock “7:30” I said to myself. I walked down the stairs to find Mum watching. “You sure you’re going to be okay Mum?” I knew she’d say yes but I just had to make sure. “Yes darling, your moneys on the table” she said. I walked into the kitchen and got a glass of orange juice. I gulped it down and took the money off the table, kissed Mum goodbye and walked out the door. “Be careful” she said as I walked out the door. I walked down the path and out the gate. I put my iPod in and turned it up full blast. I got to the bus stop and Mia was sat there waiting for me. “You feel any better?” I asked her. She looked up “NO! I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!” she told me. I walked over and sat on the seat next to my best friend. “What did you’re Mum say when you got home anyway?” I asked her. “She was taking the mick out of me, saying I couldn’t handle my drink” Mia laughed. I joined in the laughing because that was true. “Hello gorgeous” Junior said walking out the shop. I looked at him, he looked kind of fly in his college swagger. “Hello sexy” I said kissing him. “GET A ROOM MAN!” Mia shouted. The bus came and we took up our usual back seats. Once we’d arrived in town we went out separate ways. “See you later baby” Junior said kissing me. “Bye baby” I replied. “Bye sis” he said to Mia. “Bye” Mia said. The school day was going so slow, it seemed like 9 hours had passed before it was even break. I went into the toilets with Mia to sort my hair out. I felt sick again. “Remind me never to drink so much again” I told Mia. “I was drunk myself you fool” she told me. I got my stuff into my bag and walked out the toilets and off to Maths we walked. “Mia you got fucked out at the weekend didn’t you” a girl called Lauren said. “No I didn’t” Mia replied. “Why lie?” Lauren continued. “She said she never did anything now fucking leave her alone before I dash this compass in your head” I told Lauren. “You think you’re so big don’t you when your own Mum got fucked up by her man” she said. I got up and walked over to her. “You want to fucking repeat that again?” I told her. She never said anything. “Yeah, that’s what I thought, carry on” I said. “The guy should of left strangled her some more” she continued. I swung for her but Mia held me back. “You and me after school yeah by bus stop” I told her. “Yeah, time to show everybody you’re all talk” she replied. The day passed and I walked with Mia back down to the bus stop to find Lauren not there. “Pussy ass bitch” Mia said. Lauren approached me about 10 minutes after we finally reached the bus stop. “Come on then! Or are you just like your Mum?!” Lauren said to me. Something in me snapped.
Chapter 12 …You’re fucking with the wrong bitch…
I gave Mia my bag and I swung for Lauren’s head. She grabbed my hair like a bitch so I swung for her a few more times and broke free. I got her on the floor and started kicking her. “DON’T FUCKING CHAT ABOUT MY BUSINESS OR MY MUM AGAIN INIT YOU STUPID BITCH!” I shouted kicking her until she cried. The bus came and I got on it with Mia whilst she still lay there. I walked on the bus, sat down and sorted myself out. “You fucked her up” Mia said. I laughed. We got off the bus and Mia rang Junior to see where he was. “He said he’ll be here in 20 but walk and meet him and his goons” Mia said. We walked up 4 streets whilst singing along to our iPods. “WHICH ONE OF YOU IS SHARNA?!” a girl from behind shouted. I turned round to find Lauren and her older sister Leanne stood there with about 10 other girls. “ME! AND FUCKING WHAT?!” I said. Leanne jumped on me I fought her off and 5 others jumped on me. “Get the fuck off her!” Mia said dragging them off me. I’d never seen Mia like this. She was a bad-to-the-bone physco. She took 3 of them on at once. “OI! LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE!” I heard someone shout. Junior. Two of his college girls fucked Lauren and the 3 other girls over. “Where’s Sharna?” I heard him ask Mia. I felt blows go to every part of my body. Leanne kicked me in my stomach. “LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE!” Mia said jumping on Leanne’s back. Junior’s college girls took care of the rest whilst Junior got Mia off Leanne after he helped me up. “Thanks” he told his college girls. They walked off and we got off before police came. We got off the bus and walked the way we normally did dropping me off on the way. “Looks like your Mums at mine” I said to Mia clocking Tyla’s car. We walked in to find Mum and Tyla sat watching a film with an empty bottle of rosé lined up next to a full one. “What time do you….WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU TWO?!” Mum said looking at us both. “Lauren happened…where’s Shaquille?” I said to Mum. “At your grandmas, don’t change the subject” she started. “Should’ve known, you show her what’s good though yeah?” Tyla said. “Yeah, Mia mashed her older sister up” I told her. Tyla and Mum looked in shock horror. Normally Mia’s the little angel who backs down from every fight. “That’s my girl!” Tyla said to Mia. I walked up the stairs and Mia followed. I turned my laptop on and sat on my bed. “You okay?” Mia asked me. “Yeah fine babe” I said. “Sharna there’s no use in lying to me” Mia said. I looked at her. “I know, I seen the tests in your bag” she said to me.
Chapter 13 …A well kept secret…
“Don’t tell mum or Jamilah” Junior said walking in and closing my bedroom door. Mia stood there. “Obviously, I’m not a fed, I only fed on you because it’s funny” she said. “What’re you going to do?” she asked us. “Don’t know yet” I told her. I put some music on to bring the vibes up. “RAH-RAH-RAH-AH-AH-MAMA-MAMAMA-GA-GA-OOO-LALA” me and Mia started singing. There was a knock at the door. “Come in” I shouted. Aunty Tyla walked in. “I’m off now, so if you guys want a lift home then come, but I’ve got to nip Tesco” she said. Junior kissed me goodbye. “Love you” he said. “I love you too” I replied. “ERRR!” Mia said. “Shut up you” I said to her. “Mum can I stay round Sharna’s tonight?” Mia asked. “If it’s okay with Jamilah then whatever, ring your dad and tell him to bring you some stuff, actually go get it yourself cause he’d bring the wrong things” Tyla joked. I laughed because it actually was true. Mum said Sharna could sleep but we had to be in for 11. Tyla left with Junior and dropped Mia off on the way. I started to get ready. I put my black skinny’s on with a white top. I then dug my black and white plimsolls from the back of my wardrobe. I went downstairs. “Are you alright darling?” Mum asked me. “Yeah I lied, when’s Shaquille coming back?” I asked. “Nana and Granddad’s bringing him back round now” she said. I sat down on the sofa and watched the rest of Eastenders with Mum. I walked into the kitchen to pour myself a drink. There was a knock at the door. Mum went to get it. “Hello sweetheart” Nana said kissing Mums cheek. “Has he been good?” Mum asked. “A little angel” Granddad replied. “Hello” I said to them both from the kitchen. “Hello missus” Granddad said. “Granddad when’re you going to pay me back that £20 you owe me?” I joked. He pulled out his wallet and threw me £50 in 2 £20’s and one £10. “I was joking” I said. “What? So I can’t treat my favourite granddaughter once in a while?” he said. “I’m telling Mia you said I’m the favourite” I said. Granddad laughed. My phone went off. ‘Dad said he’ll drop me round. Be round in 5 minutes xx’ it read. I went upstairs and turned my laptop on whilst I waited for Mia to arrive. I heard a knock at the door so I walked down the stairs to answer it. I opened the door to see Mia standing there, Uncle Jason behind her. “Hello Uncle Jason” I said. “Hello mini Jamilah” he said. “Are you mad? I don’t look nothing like that thing” Mum said opening the living room door wider. Uncle Jason laughed. “Kool sis, are you alright?” Uncle Jason asked. “Yeah, are you?” she replied. “Yeah, Hello my wonderful rents” he said to Nana and Granddad. They both looked confused. I pulled Mia up the stairs. “What the fuck is in that bag? You’re not moving in you know” I joked. “Hahaha…..shut up” she said dragging her bag into my room. “I’m craving chocolate” I said to her. “Shop?” she asked. I nodded. I put on my plimsolls and my black coat with my white hat. I walked in the living room to find Uncle Jason tickling Mum. “MUM! PLEASE COULD YOU TELL HIM TO STOP?!” Mum said to Grandma. “SHUT UP! YOU FED!” Uncle Jason said ticking Mum even more. “Back soon” I said. “Where you two little trolls going?” Uncle Jason asked us. “Shop” Mia replied. “I’ll drop you round, we’ve got to get off anyway” Grandma said. “Don’t hurt your little sister! You may be 30 and 33 but she’ll always be your baby sister Jason!” Granddad said. “I’M NO BABY!” Mum said tears in her eyes from laughing so much. “We need to go back to mine” Mia said. “Why” I asked her. “I’ve left that THING out and Mum’s always in my room farsing” she whispered to me. “We’ll walk thank you Nana, bye Granddad, bye Mum and Uncle Jason carry on torturing her” I said walking out of the door. We walked the three streets to Mia’s. I saw two guys fighting up ahead. “FUCK YOU FAM!” I heard one shout to the other. I heard a car speeding and looked round to see it speeding round the corner and about 4 people get out. “YOU’RE REALLY HARD!” the guy shouted. I realized the guy was Junior. I looked at Mia. “You stay here, I don’t want anything to happen to you” she said running up. I ran after her. “GET OFF HIM!” I shouted punching the guy. “Who the fuck are you?!” he said. “His fucking girlfriend” I said punching him again. “SO YOU’RE THE GIRL THAT FUCKED MY LITTLE SISTERS UP?!” he said. “YEAH AND WHAT! I’LL DO IT AGAIN!” I shouted at him. “FUCKING GET HER THEN!” he shouted to his man. Two of them dragged me off him and started punching me. “FUCK YOU!” Mia said jumping on one of them. “GET THE FUCK OFF HER!” Mia shouted. Junior got up and dragged the man off me. “ARE YOU STUPID FAM?! SHE’S PREGNANT YOU FOOL!” Junior said punching him. “Sorry a man didn’t know” Lauren’s brother said to her. “Come we go” he said getting back into the car his man following him. “You okay?” Junior asked me. I nodded. I walked into Junior’s and sat down on the settee. “SHARNA! COME HERE!” Mia shouted. I got up but my legs gave way and I fell back down on the settee. “Miaaaaaaaaaaa!” I shouted. My eyes closed.
Chapter 14 …I hate you…
I opened my eyes dazed and confused on Mia’s bed. “What happened?” I asked. “I don’t know you were lying on the sofa” she told me. “Your Mum and my Mum and Junior are downstairs” she told me. “Do they know?” I asked. “No, I just told them you were tired” she said. “Thanks” I replied. “It’s okay, I’ve always got your back” she told me. I smiled at her. “Come we go to mine” I said to her. “Wait, let me get my stuff” she said. “Alright” I replied. I waited for Mia to get ready. I heard a bang and Holly came running in Mia’s bedroom crying. “What’s the matter Holly?” I asked her. “I hurt my hand” she told me. I looked at it. “You want some magic cream?” I asked. She nodded. I pretended to get some cream out of my pocket. “I can’t see it” she said. “It’s invisible that’s why it’s magic” I told her. She stopped crying and Mia looked at me smiling. “You’re good with kids you know” Mia told me. “Always have been” I told her smiling back. “Thank you Sharna” Holly said to me. She kissed me on my cheek. I went into my pocket and got a lollipop out. “WOW! THANK YOU!” she said hugging me. “Its okay” I had hugging her back. Aunty Tyla came up the stairs. “Everything okay? I heard a bang” she said. “Mum, I swear if Sharna wasn’t here then Holly would still be crying” Mia told her. “Excuse me, less of your lip Mia! Why what happened to her Sharna?” Tyla asked me. “She told me she hurt her hand, its okay I gave her magic cream” I told her. She smiled at me. “Come on Holly, bath time” Tyla said to Holly. Holly ran out the room. Mia had her stuff ready so we waited for Mum to say she was ready to leave. “It’s 11:15pm this woman’s long, we’ll walk back” I said. Mia laughed. We said goodbye and told Mum we’d meet her back home. We’d just got down the road when Junior came running after us. “What’s up?” “Sharna I’m sorry, your Mum got it out of me” he said. I looked at him. “WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO TELL MY MUM?!” I asked him. “Don’t be like that!” he said to me. “SHUT UP I HATE YOU!” I screamed walking off. My phone started to vibrate in my pocket.
Chapter 15 …The aftermath…
“It’s my Mum” I said to him. “I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY YOU IDIOT!” I shouted at him. “SHARNA CHANDELLE JOHNSON, GET YOUR BACKSIDE BACK HERE NOW!” Tyla shouted down the phone at me. “No” I said to her. Mum came on the phone. “Get. Back. Here. Now” she said singling the words. “NO! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL” I said. I locked off the phone, ran back home and barricaded myself into my bedroom. Mum came back and started banging on my door. She calmed down eventually. “OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I KICK IT IN SHARNA!” she told me. I began to cry and eventually I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning to find Mum asleep on the sofa. I tried to slyly creep around however, that failed. “Why Sharna? WHY?!” she asked me her eyes still closed. We spoke about it. “Think about it, I’ll support you whatever you do” she said changing a now awake Shaquille. I’d realized that we’d been speaking about this the whole day. I looked at the clock. “10:53” I said to myself. I decided to get my bath and go to bed. I went into my room and got into bed. I then put a DVD on. My text alert went off. “Hi babe. I’m always here if you want to talk. Love you cuz. M xxx” It read. “Thanks darling. Are you awake? xxx” I text Mia back. She rang me back and we spoke for about 4 hours about dumb things. I locked off the phone and fell asleep.
Chapter 16 …Two months to the day…
“Sharna come here!” Mum shouted to me. I woke up. “SHARNA COME HERE NOW!” she shouted at me again. I looked at the clock. “09:53 in the morning is she dumb?” I said in my mind. I spread my bed then I went downstairs to find Mum sat on the sofa watching Sunday morning telly. “What?” I asked her, walking into the kitchen to pour myself some juice. “Junior’s rang for you, he said he needed to speak to you urgently” she said. I asked myself if I cared. “Mum, I don’t care to be honest, he betrayed me” I replied. I went to walk up the stairs. “What so you’re just going to fight this alone?” she asked me from the bottom of the stairs. “Okay, I’ll see if he’s on MSN then” I said to her. I walked into my room, put my glass on the coaster on my bedside table and then turned my laptop on. Junior popped up on my screen.
Junior says:
What so you’re ignoring me now yeah?
Sharna says:
Why are you being like that? You need to grow up.
Junior says:
Me? What? When YOU’RE the one that’s caused all this?
Sharna says:
Me?! HA! You’re a funny guy. I’M NOT THE ONE WHO CAN’T KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT!
Junior says:
It’s not my fault. Your Mum bullied it out of me. She knew something was wrong with you.
Sharna says:
So! You should have lied! I would have done the same thing for you!
Junior says:
You know what I’ll give you some time to calm down init. Bye Sharna x
Sharna says:
WHATEVER! BYE.
“THE…FUCKING…STUPID…IDIOT!” I screamed. I got up and punched the wall. Mum came running up the stairs. “What’s the matter?” she asked me. “IT’S NOTHING MUM!” I shouted back at her. “You sure” she asked me. I nodded. “I’m just nipping shop, take care of your brother for me” she said. “Alright” I replied. I was sat in the living room, Shaquille on my lap. He began to cry so I made me and him some toast. I fed it to him and I ate mine every time he’d had enough. Mum came back through the door. “You’re a natural, I can’t even get him to eat toast!” she said. I smiled back at her. “Mum…” I began. “Yes sweetheart” she said. “I want to keep this baby” I told her. “What about Junior?” she asked. “I’ll go speak to him” I replied. “Aunty Tyla’s on her way over” she told me. My heart pounded.
Chapter 17 …Time to face the music…
“All she’ll do is shout at me. Once again” I told her. “She’s harmless, when we were younger, I was the mad one. The one who was always picking fights with people” Mum told me. “A bit like me then” I said. She laughed at me. “Take Shaquille upstairs and bring him back down when you’re ready to face her okay” she told me. I nodded and took my little brother upstairs. I began to get ready. I put on my hoodrat’s uniform. The door knocked and I heard Tyla’s voice. Shaquille started crying. “Shhh” I said rocking him on my lap. “You’re a natural” a voice said. I looked up. Tyla stood there. I looked at her. “Listen, I’m sorry for getting angry but I just don’t want you going through what I did” she told me. We spoke for a while and then went downstairs. “Is Junior in?” I asked her. “He was when I’d left. I know Mia is though she’s got coursework to do” Tyla told me. I decided to surprise them both. “Back in abit” I told them both. “Okay! Be careful!” Tyla said to me. “I will be” I replied. I closed the door. I walked down the two roads and turned the corner to get onto Junior’s road. I looked ahead and saw a guy and a girl kissing. As I got closer I realized this person was Junior. Rage pumped threw my veins. “I FUCKING HATE HOMEWREKERS!” I shouted running up the girl dragging her hair back. “GET OFF HER SHARNA!” he shouted back to me. Uncle Jason pulled up as he’d just got back from work and Mia ran out of the house. I punched the girl over and over again. Each punch felt like some of the rage was melting away. “GET HER OFF ME JUNIOR!” the girl shouted. “YOU’RE FUCKING WITH THE WRONG BITCH!” I shouted getting up and kicking her. Junior grabbed me and threw me on the pavement. “ARE YOU STUPID?!” Mia shouted at her brother. “SHARNA! Are you okay?!” Uncle Jason asked me helping me up. “YOU! GET INSIDE THAT HOUSE NOW!” he shouted at Junior. Mia came over to hug me. “I HATE YOU!” I screamed at Junior. I ran home, tears streaming down my face. I ran down the roads and Mum caught sight of me. I ran across the next road without looking. I didn’t hear or see the car until it hit me, I saw it speed off. My bones felt like they were broken, every last bone in my body. “SHARNAAAAAAAA!” Mum screamed running towards me. I could feel my whole body getting cold. “You’ll be okay sweetheart I promise” she said looking at me tears in her eyes. “Mummy I’m dying, I can feel it” I said. “Don’t say that, I love you Sharna, keep strong baby” she told me.
TO BE CONTINUED.
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