Chapter 1 ...Life’s crazy...
As soon as we got home we were sent to bed as the police were coming over to question Nana. I had my own room at Nana’s but hardly ever slept in there because me and Ellie would always fall asleep in Ellie’s bed. Tonight however, I fell asleep in my own bed. I needed some space and a chance to think about how mad crazy my life was. I was nearly 16 years old and already I’d been through so much. Lost both my parents to the bullet of a gun, had someone who was like a sister taken away from me, been abused by my mum when she was a heavy drinker, been in care most of my life and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I began to cry as I remembered the moment the social worker took me away from Mum. I was only 5 years old and I still needed her. I then remembered the exact moment I got told Stacey was dead and the exact moment I took revenge on the people who took her away from me. Nobody even knew about me taking my revenge and becoming a cold blooded killer. Not even Ellie knew about that side of me, and she’ll never know. I shed a tear for my lost friend. She was more like my sister than a friend, she took me under her wing when I got taken into care and she was there up until she died. The tears carried on flowing. There was a knock at the door and Granddad stood there. “What’s up Aimee?” he asked me. “Nothing” I tried lying. “I’ve been stood outside your door for 10 minutes listening to you cry” he said. “I just miss my Mum and my Dad” I said breaking down crying. He came over to my bed and hugged me. “They wouldn’t want you upset though sweetheart, your Dad wouldn’t want you to cry and I know that for a fact” he said wiping away my tears. Nana came upstairs and she looked like she’d been crying too. “What’s up Aimee?” she asked. “It’s alright Ty, I’ve got it, go to bed and I’ll be there in a minute baby girl” he said to Nana. “Alright” she said. She came over to my bed and kissed me on my cheek. She then smiled at me. “I’m here if you need me through the night yeah Aimee” she said to me standing at my bedroom door. I nodded. Granddad left 10 minutes after she did. I sat on my bed reminiscing the 9 years I was in care.
Chapter 2 ...9 years ago...
I’d guessed Mum and her boyfriend had been drinking all day when she didn’t come to get me from school. Grandma came to get me and took me back home. “Aimee!” she shouted through the letterbox. There was no answer. Grandma started banging on the door and there was still no answer. She took my hand and went round to the back door. There was always a key underneath the plant pot on the windowsill and with that, she let herself in. Grandma pulled a face like she was going to be sick and I remember I did too. It was the smell of alcohol and sick in the carpets. I spotted Mum in the corner of a room. Grandma ran up to her. “AIMEE!” Grandma shouted. Mum didn’t even move. I began to cry because Grandma did. Grandma rang an ambulance for Mum and I remember how I sat there too scared to even move. I might have been a mere 5 years old but I still knew what was going on. Mum had drunk so much that she was now in a bad way. A seriously bad way. The ambulance came and took Mum to the hospital. “Is there somewhere more private we can chat?” A police officer asked Grandma. She nodded and led her into the hallway. I sat there with another police officer. I remember how she gave me a packet of chewits to calm me down. I can’t eat them anymore though, as they bring back bad memories of that day. The police officer started talking to me. “What’s your name then sweetheart?” she asked me. “Aimee, what’s yours?” I asked her. “PC Rose, but you can call me Claire if you want” she said smiling. “Okay, will my Mummy be okay Claire?” I asked her. “The doctors will make her better Aimee, don’t worry” she said smiling. Grandma came back into the room with the police officer and a bag in her hand. She passed it over to the police officer. She then hugged me. “Aimee sweetheart, you’re going to go on a little adventure okay, it’s not safe for you here anymore, we’ll meet again soon though okay” Grandma said. I didn’t want to go so I began to cry. “Stop it Aimee, you have to be a big girl, take this, whenever you get scared, you think about me okay, and I’ll be with you in mind” she said taking off her necklace and putting it over my head. Claire picked me up and carried me to the police car. I didn’t know it then, but this was going to be the first day of the worst 9 years of my life.
Chapter 3 ...The next morning...
“Hello Aimee” Sarah said to me. Sarah was the head care worker. “Did you sleep okay last night?” she asked me. I just stood there. I remember how I didn’t like strangers when I was little, and I still didn’t. “Would you like some breakfast sweetheart?” she asked me. I let out a quiet “Yes” and she took me to the kitchen. She made me some toast and a drink. I ate it. A girl who looked about 2 years older than me walked into the kitchen. “Why aren’t you at school?” Sarah asked her. “I don’t feel very well” the girl said. “Who’s that?” I remember the girl saying looking at me puzzled. “This is Aimee...Aimee this is Stacey” Sarah said. I still remember how Stacey smiled at me. None of the other kids had smiled at me and I felt like I was lucky to even get a hello from them. Sarah left the room and left me and Stacey to eat our breakfast. “How old are you?” Stacey asked me. “5 and 3 quarters, how old are you?” I remember saying. I’ll always remember the laugh she gave me. “You’re sweet you are! And I’m 8” she said smiling at me still. “Want to come and play in the living room? Do you know how to play snap?” she asked me. I shook my head. “Come on then, I’ll teach you” Stacey said helping me down off the stool I was sat on. I’ll never forget how we played snap all morning. Sarah came to check up on us. “You two alright?” she asked us. I nodded. “Yes thank you Sarah” Stacey said. I got told that tomorrow I’d be going to school. The same school Stacey and all the other care home kids went to. Me and Stacey got ready then we went out shopping for my school tops with Sarah as I already had everything else. Stacey came along with us as she wasn’t allowed to stay at the care home all on her own and the other care workers were running errands. After 2 hours, we were back and when we got back, the other children were back. Little did I know it, but what they were about to do would be a normal thing for me for the next couple of years of a kid in a care home.
Chapter 4 ...Bullied...
Stacey had gone to talk to Sarah about something very important. I was sat on the sofa watching telly when a couple of the big kids came in and took the remote off of me. I looked at one of the girls. “What you looking at?” she said to me. “You” I said to her. “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!” she shouted at me. “I said I was looking at you” I said to her again. I didn’t know any better, I was only 5 at the time. All the same she smacked me. I began to cry. I then began to scream. Stacey came back in the room and had a go at the girl who’d just smacked me. She said sorry and Stacey took me up to her room. She sat me down on her bed and sat next to me. “She’s always one of the ones who thinks she can pick on the new people, she tried it with me too, but then I threw a chair at her and she never did it again” Stacey said. I remember smiling at her and she smiled back at me. Sarah came into Stacey’s room to find out what happened. I told her everything and she said that the girls would all be dealt with and I should go back and watch telly with Stacey. Two days later and I remember waking up to find Grandma having a conversation with Sarah. I thought I was going home but it just turned out to be a short visit from her. She took me to the park and I remember how she told me how brave I was being also how proud she was of me. I walked back to the care home and I’ll always remember how she told me she’d be back but then gave me a hug like she’d never see me again. I will also remember crying that night because I wanted to go home with Grandma but now I know it wasn’t safe for anyone, let alone a then 5 year old. I couldn’t sleep or stop crying so I decided to go wake up Stacey. She woke up and let me sleep next to her in her bed that night. I loved the way Stacey protected me and how safe she made me feel.
Chapter 5 ...8 years later...
I woke up and went to get ready for school. I then grabbed some juice and a slice of toast before linking arms with Stacey and setting off for school. We walked to the bus stop and waited for it to come, however as we waited Stacey went to the shop to get a packet of cigarettes. She made me hold her school bag and buttoned up her coat so the shopkeeper didn’t see her school uniform. To say she was nearly 16 she looked like an adult when she wanted to or when she wanted something. 4 girls in my year approached me. They didn’t like me so they made my life hell. The one who was the worst was called Katie. She had a sister in Stacey’s year so she thought that made her more superior than everyone else. She walked over to me. “Let me sit down you slag” she said to me. “Why can’t you sit over there?” I said looking at the other empty seats at the bus stop. “I don’t know, I guess I just like sitting in an ORPHANS seat” she sneered. “I’m not an orphan though am I?” I said sticking up for myself. “MOVE!” she shouted. “NO.” I screamed in her face. I’d taken her crap ever since I’d gone to the same primary school as her 8 years ago. Stacey came back outside just as Katie was about to hit me. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?! MOVE FROM HER INIT!” Stacey shouted. “Aww! How sweet! An orphan sticking up for another orphan!” Katie said. The other 3 girls laughed with her at me and Stacey. Stacey punched Katie smack bang in the middle of the face. “WATCH YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU’RE TALKING TO ME OR AIMEE INIT!” she said beating her up. The bus came and Stacey grabbed my arm and got on it with me. She sorted her hair out on the way as Katie had dragged her hair about whilst they were fighting. Typical bitch move. When we got to school there was a huge group of people. As soon as we got a bit closer I realized it was Katie standing at the front next to her sister, Keighley.
Chapter 6 ...Revenge...
They ran up after us and I looked at Stacey. “Aimee run, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s me they’re after not you” she said looking me straight in the eyes. “NO! I’m not leaving you!” I said to her. “JUST GO!” she screamed back at me. I stayed by her side and we both took the beating that day. We decided to skive that day and spent the day at the local park instead of going to school. We left just before school ended as not to get into anymore fights. We walked into the care home and Sarah was on the prowl. “WHY HAVE YOU TWO NOT BEEN TO SCHOOL?! THEY RANG ME TO SAY YOU HADN’T BEEN IN!” she shouted as us. “If we told you, you’d go mad at school and then make things 10x worse for the both of us” Stacey said. “What’s that supposed to mean! No more lies! Tell me the truth now!” Sarah shouted. “I’m being bullied” I remember telling her. I began to cry. “Has Stacey put you up to this Aimee?!” Sarah shouted. “NO! THEY’VE BEEN BULLYING ME EVER SINCE I GOT HERE! AND I STUCK UP FOR MYSELF THEN THEY WAS ABOUT TO BEAT ME UP WHEN STACEY SAVED ME! THEN WE BOTH TOOK A BEATING FROM ABOUT 20 GIRLS INCLUDING THE GIRLS OLDER SISTER!” I shouted before running up to my room. I remember how I collapsed on my bed in a fit of tears. I missed my Mum and I really wanted her. Stacey came into my room and hugged me. I cried on her shoulder and she held me even tighter. “Tomorrow, we’re going to school, we’re not going to be afraid anymore” Stacey said smiling at me. “And what if they start again?” I asked. “A few cuts and bruises is nothing, they’re the weak ones, since when was 2 against 20 girls fair? Or even 1 against 4? We’re stronger than they’ll ever be” Stacey said. I decided to have an early night after dinner as I felt that for some strange reason, tomorrow would be different.
Chapter 7 ...War...
I was sat in maths when Katie threw something at my head. None of her henchmen were about to back her up so she just used the rest of the people in our lesson to make her feel superior. “She might aswell change her name to Annie the orphan” she said. “Her Mum must have been some kinda prostitute and her Dad some one night stand” she carried on. That made me angry. I found out a few years ago that my Dad had died before he even knew I existed. I got up and turned around. “WHAT WAS THAT?!” I shouted at her. “You heard me, you little orphan who’s Mum overdosed on cocaine and Dad killed himself because he caught aids from your Mum” she said laughing. The teacher told her to stop it but she carried on. “Poor little orphan” she said. I walked up to her. “WHAT YOU GONNA DO?!” she shouted. From out of no-where I felt angry. I launched her in her jaw and we began fighting. I grabbed her head and began smashing it against the bookcase. There was a maths dictionary that caught my eye. I began smacking her over the head with it. “YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT MY MUM AND MY DEAD DAD LIKE THAT?! YESSS?! BITCH YOU MUST BE TRIPPIN’!” I shouted at her. She begged me to stop. I kicked her until I felt better. I turned round and everybody looked shocked. “WHAT?!” I shouted. “WOW since when could the quiet little mouse girl fight like that?” A boy said. “Since she started talking about my Mum and Dad like that, anyone else want a piece of me?!” I shouted. “I do, but not in that way” he said to me winking. Two teachers came back into the room with my maths teacher who looked like she was about to collapse in shock. They told me to get my stuff and escorted me to the head teacher’s office. They’d gotten Katie up off the floor so I decided to use my last bit of anger for a head butt. “WOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! NEVER HAD SO MUCH EXCITEMENT IN ONE MATHS LESSON! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!” the same boy shouted. The two teachers restrained me like an animal and took me to the head teachers office. I was then excluded. Sarah decided to wait for Stacey so she didn’t have to travel back to the care home alone. We saw her walk over to Sarah’s car and she got into the back with me. I told her everything about what had happened with Katie. “YES! FINALLY! YOU SHOW PEOPLE WADDUP!” she said. Stacey sometimes, liked to talk like a Yankee which made me laugh. When we got back Sarah made us some food before sending me off to my room to “think about what I’d done” but to be honest, I remember feeling victorious when I went to sleep that night.
Chapter 8 ...I’m back...
I woke up the next day and pondered around the care home. Nobody was in except me, Sarah and my social worker Kim. They called me into the office. I sat down on the chair and along came the questions. Why did I do what I did? What possessed me to hurt someone so bad? Had I learnt my lesson? To save myself the aggro, I told them what they wanted to hear. Kim then looked at me. “You know Aimee, your Mums been in touch and she wants to see you” she said. “It is safe for her to do so, she’s been assessed and she’s clean now” Kim continued. I looked at her. Was I dreaming or did she say my Mum had been in touch? “We could arrange a meeting today? Only for a few hours though?” she said. I sat there gobsmacked. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Mum in 8 years. Kim told me that Mum had a new boyfriend aswell and she’d moved to Birmingham. I agreed and they rung Mum. Mum wasn’t at work today so Kim agreed to take me to Birmingham to see her once I’d gotten ready. I got ready super fast and then got in the car with Kim. As the number of miles to Birmingham decreased, my heart rate increased. We parked up outside a house which looked quite posh. Mum really had changed. Kim knocked on the door and a woman came to the door. It was my Mum. She looked so beautiful now. She was beautiful before but all the drugs and alcohol made her seem ugly. She looked at me. “Is that my little girl?” she asked. I nodded. I began to cry and she did too. She let us in and Kim stayed by my side the whole entire time until it was time for us to go. I’d been excluded for a week so every day Kim would take me to see my Mum in the hope that one day I’d be able to live with her again. We were driving back when Kim got a phone call from her husband. She pulled over to take the call. “Hello David....Yes David.....see you later....I love you too” she said. She then pulled back onto the road and carried on driving. “You know, if your Mum keeps up the way she is, this time next year you could be living with her permanently” Kim said. “Really?!” I asked. Kim nodded. “Yes” she said. I’ll always remember how happy the word ‘permanently’ made me feel.
Chapter 9 ...Stole...
Today was my first day back at school after my exclusion. Stacey had been being really difficult these past few days and I didn’t really understand why. I got up and got ready for school to then go downstairs to find Stacey had just left without me. I got my money from Sarah and then ran after Stacey. “STACEY!” I shouted. She didn’t even turn around. What had I done to her? Was it because my Mum was all of a sudden back on the scene why she was being like this? I ran faster and caught up with her. I grabbed her arm and she let out a little squeal like I’d just hurt her. She looked at me. “What?” she said. “What have I done?” I asked her. “Made my life hell” she replied before walking off. I decided to get to the bottom of things. After a while of me shouting at her she finally snapped. She took off her coat and told me to hold it. She then rolled up her jumper sleeve to show me a scar on her arm. It was a scar where someone had cut her and it looked deep. “Who did that to you?!” I asked. “Keighley and her crew” she said. “Why though?” I asked her once more. “YOU! BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR BAD TEMPER! AIMEE I HATE YOU! NOW MOVE!” she shouted at me. I stood there and cried before walking back to the care home. I told Sarah everything Stacey told me and she rung the police. Stacey came back and they questioned her. I decided to go into my room out of the way. I sat on my bed and cried. It got to about 6pm when one of the resident care workers, Julie, brought me some dinner up. I’d finished it by half 6. I say finished, I’d picked at it because I didn’t really feel hungry. I caught sight of Stacey on the landing as I went to take my plate downstairs. She looked so empty, alone and scared. A far cry from the Stacey I’d first met on my first day here. She walked into her room and closed the door. I began typing a text to her on my phone. “Stacey I’m sorry and I love you like my sister. I don’t even know what I’d do without you.” I began. I then deleted it and decided that she was in the wrong and not me. I went to sleep and I had a dream. I just remember the dream being dark and loads of screams. I woke up the next morning and got ready for school. Surprisingly Stacey wasn’t up yet, so I went to wake her up and I also decided to be a big girl about it and tell her sorry. I also decided to tell her what I’d put in that text last night which I deleted at the last minute. I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. She never did so I walked in the room. Her room was bare, her bed stripped with her no-where to be seen. I went downstairs confused, my school bag over my shoulder. Sarah looked at me. “Aimee you’re not going to school today, come in and sit down” she said. She told me the worst news I’d ever had in my life. That dream wasn’t a dream; it was her screaming when she found Stacey dead in her bed.
Chapter 10 ...Goodbye...
“Why are you lying for?! SHE’S NOT DEAD!” I shouted at Sarah. “Aimee she is, she left this for you” she said getting up and hugging me. She handed me an envelope. I’d notice Stacey’s handwriting anywhere. I opened it and read it. This is what it said:
Dear Aimee,
I’m going to save Keighley the trouble and just end my own life. She said I’d be dead if I told anyone about what she did to me and I did, so she’ll only end it for me in a more aggressive way. You always have and always will be like my little sister. I didn’t mean it when I said I hated you, I just hated the situation you got yourself in but I’m proud of how you’re sticking up for yourself. Don’t worry, and don’t cry either! Only the strong survive in this world and that’s what you are, I’m not. I front like I’m strong but obviously I’m not. None of this is your fault, they just felt the need to start on us because we were different. They got to me, but don’t let them win baby girl, not like I did. I love you Aims.
P.S. I hope it protects you more than it did me, either way, I’ll always be with you.
Stace oxoxo
A stray tear fell down my cheek. A necklace dropped out of the envelope. It was the one Stacey always wore the one that said protected her. I held it in my hand and began to cry hysterically.
Chapter 11 ...Revenge...
4 months had passed since I found out the closest person I had to a sister had been pushed to suicide. I felt so empty and alone. I didn’t even care when I turned 14. Stacey wasn’t here to give me birthday beats so I just didn’t care. Today was the day I’d find out whether or not I’d be living with Mum permanently or not. Even though Kim said it would have been a year before I got to, it seemed a good idea for me to get out ASAP so she fast-tracked my Mums application process. I sat on my bed the whole day playing with the necklace Stacey had left me. Sarah called me down to her office. Kim sat in there with her. I sat down on the beanbag in the corner of the room. “Aimee I need an honest answer” Kim said. “Yes...” I said still playing with the necklace. “Would you like to go and live in Birmingham with your Mum?” Kim asked me. I began to cry. “Yes” I managed a couple of minutes later. “Are you sure?” she asked me. “Yeah, I don’t want to stay here anymore, not without Stacey” I said. “Well, I have some good news for you, you’d better pack up quick, your Mums coming to get you tomorrow” she said. I felt a smile come across my face. “Obviously I’ll still have to check up on you for a while to make sure things are okay but I shouldn’t see why they shouldn’t be” Kim said. I went over and hugged her and then hugged Sarah. “Thank you” I said to them both. I went upstairs and started packing. I’d packed all my stuff up by time night fell. But there was still one more thing I had to do, I knew Stacey wouldn’t like it, but I had to do one thing before going to live with my Mum in Birmingham. Kill Keighley.
Chapter 12 ...Karma gotcho ass...
I made up a fake Facebook account and she fell for the bait. I pretended to be a boy she’d once gone out with and she agreed to meet me. I wanted Katie to feel how I did. I’d make Keighley’s death look like suicide so nobody would suspect a thing. I told her to meet me by the canal meaning I had to sneak out which was hard but not impossible. I’d gotten out of the door and ran down the road towards the canal. I wore all black so she wouldn’t see me. I then waited until she’d turned around before jumping on her. “Scream and I’ll kill you even quicker” I said to her. I blindfolded her as she pleaded with me to stop. “I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL THE PAIN STACEY DID!” I shouted. “It was all a joke, I didn’t mean any harm!” Keighley shouted. “THIS IS A JOKE TOO! I’M LAUGHING NOW! NOT YOU AND NOT YOUR SISTER!” I shouted at her. I transferred the bricks from my backpack into the bag she was carrying. “What are you doing?!” she said to me crying. “Shut up! Stacey wouldn’t like what I’m doing, but you see Keighley, I’m going home tomorrow, back to my Mum and I couldn’t let you think you’d gotten away with this, the police might have let you get away with it because of your waterworks and your lies but I’m not the police! I’m Aimee Bailey Mills! HOW YOU DOING!” I said. I did the last bit in a Yankee accent the same way Stacey used to. She pleaded with me to stop. I blocked her out and dragged her over to the edge. I made her stand up so I could tie a rope around her wrists. I tied 3 around her wrists so she couldn’t escape and survive. I wanted her to die and feel the same way Stacey did just before she took her own life. Scared, alone and vulnerable. “Any last words?” I said to her. “Fuck you” she said. I made sure nobody was looking, I then took off her blindfold and placed the rest of the bricks into her bag. Luckily, she had a satchel type bag on so they all fit in. It’d be weeks maybe even months before they found her. I took one last look around to make sure nobody saw me push her in. I heard the water splash and watched as her head slowly disappeared under the water. Bubbles began to rise but after a minute they stopped. I’d finally done it. I’d taken revenge on the bitch that killed the best thing I had to a sister. I know Stacey wouldn’t have liked what I’d done but hey hoe, I hardly ever listened to her anyway. I walked back and crept in the way I got out in the first place. I’d disposed of the gloves I’d worn on the way back. I then went to sleep that night and slept like a baby as tomorrow, I’d be back in Birmingham with my Mum and her boyfriend.
Chapter 13 ...Two weeks later...
Today was my first day at my new school. It was close but Mum still decided to drop me there herself. She kissed me on my cheek and watched me walk in. I went to reception and sat down on the seat. A girl ran in and hid behind a curtain. It was one of those stage curtains so they couldn’t see her feet poking out like you would have been able to a normal curtain. A teacher came running in. “Have you seen a girl run by here?” he asked me. “Yeah” I said. “Where did she go?” he asked me. “That way” I said sending him the opposite way. After he’d gone the girl came and sat next to me. “Thanks, you’re alright you know” she said smiling at me. “What did you even do?” I asked her. She pulled up her trouser leg. “I’m only wearing trainers and he’s going on like I have a gun in my sock” she said. I laughed. This was the first time I’d met Ellie. She was so funny. A teacher came in and looked at us both. “Ellie I never knew you knew Aimee, you two do look alike though, are you related?” she asked. “No, I’ve just met her, Miss what year is she in?” she asked the teacher. “Your year and your sets, so you can show her the ropes of West View High” she said. “Finally, someone who’s on my wavelength” Ellie said smiling at me. She linked arms with me and we went to our first lesson. “Wait you’re not from round these parts are you?” she asked me in her Birmingham accent. “No, I’m from London” I said to her. “Ahh, okay, say grass” Ellie said. “Grass” I said confused. “I said say grass not GRARSE” Ellie said laughing. “Very funny!” I said to her giggling. I remember how all day people kept making me say stuff in my accent and they all found it super cool. Home time came and Mum came to pick me up. Kim was on her way up from London to check up on us but after a while she left again because she seen I was settled. I lay in bed that night half asleep when my bedroom door opened. I thought it was Mum coming to say goodnight as she’d nipped out to her friend’s house at about 8pm and still wasn’t back. That was the first night Calvin, my Mums boyfriend, took advantage of me. He took my innocence away from me that night. “Tell your Mum and I’ll kill her, then you’ll wind up in that children’s home again for the rest of your life!” he said. He got up off me. I just lay there, scared, shocked and alone.
Chapter 14 ...The next morning...
I woke up hoping last night was all just a dream. I then came to my senses and realized it wasn’t a bad dream but reality. Whilst my Mum was out at her friend’s house her boyfriend of 5 years, who was a respectable lawyer, raped me. I’d just gotten my shower and was walking into my room with my towel wrapped around me when he caught sight of me. I tried locking my door but it failed and he forced his way into my room. “Say a word and you’ll pay” he sneered in my ear. I looked at him wanting to cry but I held it down until he closed my door. Ellie agreed to meet me at the bus stop this morning like we always did. I finished getting ready and Mum came in my room. “Everything okay Aimee?” she asked me. I broke down in tears on her. I was just about to tell her what happened when Calvin appeared at my bedroom door. He looked concerned to the naked eye but to me, he looked threatening. I decided to lie. “I just miss Stacey that’s all” I said to her. She hugged me and I felt so safe in her arms. She decided to drop me to meet Ellie otherwise I would have been late. Ellie was stood at the bus stop waiting for me whilst playing with her phone. We both decided to go for the school girl look today which consisted of, tights, a school skirt, ballerina pump shoes, a school top and a cardigan. I had my straight hair in a standard ponytail with my full fringe out whilst Ellie had her curly hair out, with a straight fully fringe and an alice band keeping her fringe in place. “Your Mums really pretty!” Ellie said. “Well obviously, I’m not this beautiful for a reason” I said smiling. Ellie laughed. “What about your Dad?” I remember her asking me. “He got shot a couple years ago, he died before he even knew I existed” I remember telling Ellie. “Guns are dangerous, my eldest brother he got shot too, and he died though when I was still a baby” Ellie told me. I knew she had a brother who was a couple years older than her who had a twin sister but not this one who I’d soon find out was my Dad. “Can I come to yours later? Mums not gonna be in” I remember her asking me. “No, sorry” I said. I’d said the previous thing the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that, basically you get the reason why Ellie then got all moody with me. She’d been having a go at me for 10 minutes when I finally broke down. “YOU CAN COME ROUND BUT IF YOU GET RAPED THEN IT WON’T BE MY FUCKING FAULT!” I remember shouting at her.
Chapter 15 ...Teenage love story...
I told Ellie everything and she held me as I wept. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea” Ellie said to me. “You weren’t to know” I replied. “You need to tell someone!” she said. “He said he’ll kill Mum if I did” I replied. “There’s people that can help!” She said. “No, it’s okay, I’ve got to keep quiet, for Mums sake” I said. She wiped away my tears and re-did my make up before we carried on walking to school. We stopped at the shop and got the usual munch we always got before walking to school. “OI BUMTING!” one guy shouted at us. Ellie turned around. A guy and his friend approached us. Ellie smiled at them whilst I stood there playing with my phone. “Excuse me beautiful, can man get ya digits?” he said. Ellie then realized they were 2 years below us. “When you don’t have to use safety scissors no more little boys, then maybe” she said laughing. I stood there gobsmacked. She was so rude but funny with it. We walked to our first lesson which was Drama. We had to get into two groups and create scene about a typical Friday night. Our group did a drama where we were at a house party. Ellie and I decided to grind on two guys. However, the guy I was grinding on took it too far and it reminded me of Calvin. I ran out the room crying, Ellie chasing me and our drama teacher shouting after both of us. I ran into the girls toilets and slammed the door shut. “Aimee?” I remember her shouting. She heard me crying and went into the cubicle next to the one I was in. She popped her head over the cubicle and I looked up at her. “You can’t live like this, Aiden said he’s sorry by the way, he didn’t mean to upset you” Ellie said. I nodded. “It wasn’t his fault though” I said beginning to cry even more. “I chose a bad day to wear a skirt!” she said climbing over the toilet cubicle into mine. She hugged me as I cried even more. I went back to the drama lesson and lied to my teacher. All the teachers knew I’d been in care but none of the students, not even Ellie, knew that side of me. We went to PSHE next and I sat next to Ellie in our usual seats. Aiden handed out the books for once and when he came over to our table he passed me a note. I opened it and it read:
Sorry for making you cry Aimee :( I really like you. Wanna meet up tonight? Blink for no and wink for a yes.
I looked at him and winked. He smiled at me.
Chapter 16 ...These are my confessions...
“What’s that?” Ellie asked me. I handed it her. “Don’t mess with him, trust me, Emma likes him, it’s not a good idea” she said. “Why?” I asked. “Tell you at lunch” she said. Lunch came and we decided to go out for our dinner. When we got away from school Ellie told me the down low. “Emma likes Aiden but Aiden don’t like her, last girl that Aiden got with, let’s just say Emma and her crew made it known she wasn’t happy” Ellie told me. I looked at her. “Oh, okay” I said. “Actually, go meet him, she’s being a spoilt brat really isn’t she, if you like him then you like him” Ellie said. We went into the chip shop and brought our food and a drink each. “Don’t you have a boyfriend?” I asked Ellie. “No, I have an older brother and 2 older sisters, are you crazy?” she said. I laughed. “Don’t you have any siblings?” Ellie asked me. I shook my head. “Nope, only child me” I said. She smiled at me then put a chip in her mouth. We then ate our food and went back to school. We sat Aiden and his friend Kayne on the way back. I knew Kayne had a thing for Ellie so we decided to go on a double date that night. Ellie came back home with me because today was the day Calvin worked late. She met Mum and then came to help me decide what to wear. I decided to wear a grey just above the knee length dress, black tights and grey ugg boots. I wore my grey thick cardigan and found my black over the shoulder handbag to top it all off. Ellie took my hair out of the ponytail it was in and sorted my hair out for me whilst I re did my hair up. “Your hairs so nice and thick....you bitch” she said. I smiled at her. I don’t know why she was complaining for to be honest, her hair was long and curly...the kind of hair I’d always wanted. She straightened my hair and my fringe. I did my eye make up more heavy than I did it for school. I then went downstairs. “NO WAY IS THAT MY LITTLE GIRL!” she said to me smiling. I nodded. “What’s the plan of action then? So I know where to come find your sorry little ass if you miss your curfew” she said. “Well, we’re going to Ellie’s, she’s getting ready, then we’re going to meet Aiden and Kayne, then we’re going cinema then for some food” I told Mum. “WHAT?! BOYS?! BE CAREFUL YOUNG LADY! AND YOU SWEETHEART!” she said to me and Ellie. “We will, don’t worry” I said. She handed me £30. “Nice meeting you” Ellie said. “And you poppet” Mum said. We walked back to Ellie’s. “My Dad’s in....great...21 questions” Ellie said.
Chapter 17 ...Not again...
“DAD!” Ellie shouted. “Yes Ellie” I heard a voice reply. “Can I have some money?” she asked. He got out his wallet and gave her £30. “Hello, I’m Jason, mind my daughter’s bad manners” he said looking at me. “Shut up, and this is Aimee” Ellie said. Ellie then took me up to her room whilst she got ready. She put on black skinny jeans, a white long top, a black body warmer and black and white high tops. She then went downstairs and said bye to her Dad. “Where are you two going?” he asked us. “Cinema and then for some food” Ellie said. I went along with it. “Nice meeting you” he said. “And you” I said politely. We got the bus to where they were meeting us. We then got off the bus and went to meet them. They approached us and we went to the cinema first. Me and Ellie sat inbetween both of the boys with our dates by our side. We went to see Paranormal Activity 2 and it gave me a reason to want Aiden to hold me close. After the film we went to Nandos and kept making jokes about everybody else in there. The boys then walked us to the bus stop and we waited for the bus. When I went home I decided to ask Mum about my Dad. “His family didn’t think Mum to me Aimee, that’s why I haven’t told you about them, I have his sister Mia’s number though, and her address, maybe when you’re old enough you can go and find her, she lives in Manchester” Mum said. I nodded. I went to bed as Mum popped out to the shop. Calvin did what he did the night before and raped me once more. I was crying so bad I didn’t realize Mum standing at the door until she dragged him off of me and told him to get out. She held me as I wept. “Tell the police and you’ll lose her forever” Calvin said rightfully. “Let me stay here or I’ll tell them, Ashley I’m sorry” he said. Mum looked at me. “I can’t lose you again Aimee” she said looking at me. I looked at her. She’d just chosen him over me and that’s the way it was for the next month. He always came first no matter what the situation was. I remember waking up the next morning wanting to be sick. Mum looked at me. I knew she thought the same thing as I did and it was confirmed when two blue lines came up on the stick. I was pregnant with my Mum’s boyfriend’s baby. “Aimee, you have to get rid of it” she said to me.
Chapter 18 ...Family matters...
“NO!” I shouted at her. “Aimee I’ll lose you otherwise! Do you really want that?” she said to me. I needed Ellie at this moment in time but she had problems of her own going off in her family. Her second eldest sister had just lost her son in a house fire and was still fighting for her life so she didn’t need me and my problems aswell. Mum rang the abortion clinic and booked me an appointment for the next day. I remember going to bed early that night and waking up early the next morning. There was so much tension on the way to the clinic. The doctor called me in on my own and asked me a few questions. She then called Mum in and reluctantly took the tablet. I went home and cried on my bed in pain. My phone began to ring, it was Ellie. I ignored the call as she would only have worried about me if she knew what was going on behind closed doors. I cried myself to sleep and woke up the next morning. I then got ready to go to the clinic and take the 2nd and final tablet. The doctor then spoke to me about contraceptives. I didn’t even want to lose my virginity in the first place never mind do it again. I didn’t listen to her, I closed off and watched her lips move. “Are you okay Miss Mills?” the doctor asked me. I’d just aborted my baby obviously that was a dumb question. I cried all the way home. “Your Dad would have him” Mum said as she held me as I wept. “Mum, I wanna know his side of the family, life’s too short” I said to Mum. She agreed and wrote down my Aunty Mia’s address. I rang Ellie to ask her what she was doing tomorrow as I didn’t really want to go alone. She said she had family problems and I realize how that Aunty Holly tried to kill herself so I went to Manchester on my own the next day. I’ll never forget how scared I was first meeting Aunty Mia but after a while I wondered why I was so scared in the first place. Aunty Mia dropped me to the train station and I got the train back to Nottingham. The next day I met Ellie, I was just about to tell her about my Dad’s side of the family when we saw Emma.
Chapter 19 ...For a friend...
“OI!” She shouted at Ellie. She hit her and that made me mad. Emma should have hit me not her. I pounced on Emma and began fighting her. Her crew came running around the corner. I remember Ellie grabbing her phone and telling someone to get where we were quick. She tried to get Emma off her but another one of her henchmen got her on the floor. I somehow got up and dragged Emma off of Ellie. “ELLIE RUN!” I remember shouting to Ellie as they all jumped on me. That’s when our two worlds collided and I found out that Ellie was in fact my Aunty and my dead father’s youngest sister. Aunty Mia came out and offered the girls out. My new cousin Neveah then ran out of her house and up the road with a punch for the girl who seemed to her like the ringleader, Emma. Uncle Harvey then realized who I was and helped me up off of the floor. I’ll never forget how upset Ellie looked when she saw what they’d done to me but she was a friend and I always protected my friends. I then met Nana Tyla for the first time then I found out Ellie told Uncle Harvey what Calvin did to me. The rest of them then found out when Mum came back for me and Uncle Harvey shouted at her. I then remembered when Calvin rang me the morning Mum died, and when he killed our baby for the second time. I then remember Mums funeral and how peaceful she looked. I buried her with a letter for her to read on her way to heaven. This is how I ended up here, nobody can ever know that part of me, the killer me, not even Ellie can ever know. I was crying when I got a text on my phone. It was from Aiden. “Aimee, can you come and meet me please? There’s some things I wanna say” it read. I text back “It’s nearly 2am?” to then get a reply “Fine, I’ll come yours then, come outside, that Jason scares me” he said. I didn’t care about being in my pjs or that my eyes were red from crying. I didn’t even care that I now had a bed head. I just crept down my stairs and out of the front door, taking the alarm off on the door before I woke someone up. Aiden only lived down the road so he was there before I got outside. I walked up to him. He grabbed me.
Chapter 20 ...My baby...
He grabbed me and kissed me like I’d never been kissed before. It was like on Sims where there are loads of fireworks. I felt incredible. I stood there kissing him for a further 10 minutes. “I want you, your accent turns me on” he said. I laughed. “Well maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner!” I said in my London accent. He laughed and smiled. “So, you gonna be known as my girl then?” he asked me. I tiptoed and kissed him again. I could feel him smiling as we kissed. “Take that as a yes?” he asked me. “Boys are so stupid, obviously” I replied smiling. “My girl, my girl, my girllll, talking about, my girl!” he started singing. I giggled. “Your laughs peng boo” he said to me. “Just like me then init” I said. I knew I was beautiful and wasn’t afraid to admit to that. I kissed him again and we saw a girl walk down the road next to a boy holding his hand. “OWER!” she said as she got closer. It was my cousin, Neveah with a boy I’d never seen before. Aiden moved from me quickly. “Don’t let me interrupt anything!” she said laughing. I looked at him and he looked at me. “You best treat her right or I’ll kill you, no long” she said to Aiden. “Yeah, will do, Aimee I’ll text you yeah” Aiden said kissing me. “See you later” I said to him. I watched him walk down the road, he kept looking back and everytime I did he smiled until I could no longer see him no more. “What are you doing out anyway?” she asked me. “Aiden text me, I could ask you the same thing!” I replied. “Just taking care of some, stuff” she said looking at the guy. He kissed her on her forehead. “Is he your boyfriend?” I asked her. She nodded. “Don’t tell anyone will you” she said to me. “I won’t, how long have you been together?” I asked her. “5 months” she said smiling. “Why haven’t you told anyone though?” I replied. “Because, some things are meant to be kept to yourself for a bit, when the times right I’ll tell the rest of ‘em” she said smiling. I then knew that I’d have to take some of the things I’d done to my grave and hope that God would forgive me when my time came. In the mean time, I’d be happy with Aiden and adjust to my new life as I knew Mum and Dad were watching over me from heaven making sure their little girl was okay.
The End
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